What Makes a Woman Independent?

(This was originally posted on The Butterfly Memoirs Blog on 5/1/12)

Independence. It’s something everyone, male or female,  yearn for as a child, even more so when they reach their teens. High school graduates are anxious to move out of their parent’s homes and spread their metaphorical ‘wings’ as they break free of their cocoons. No longer larva, or caterpillars, they are now butterflies. The word independent has various meanings, twenty, according to dictionary.com. Yet, when it comes to the sexes, independence is a word with both positive and negative connotations, especially for women. Let’s explore a few of those meanings.in*de*pend*ent (adjective)1. not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself: an independent thinkerPretty self-explanatory, it could go for both men and women. This is the level teens strive for when separating themselves from their parents.

2. not subject to another’s authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free: an independent businessman 

If your self-employed, you have this mindset; you have to in order to make ends meet.

3. not relying on another or others for aid or support

This could go either way, male or female, depending on whether or not they are financially able to take care of themselves without combining their income with others (roommates; renting a room)  in order to make ends meet.

4.rejecting others aid or support; refusing to be under obligation to others

Again, this could also be a male or female. This way of thinking is about  pride not allowing them to do otherwise. Even if that means running up every credit card, or worse, becoming enraged when others offer them assistance.

5. expressive of a spirit of independence; self-confident; unconstrained: a free and independent citizen

This one, in my opinion, would be where most independent women, (those who feel there is no need for a man in their life or significant other), tend to fall.

Is this type of independence the kind every woman dreams of? Is it what they truly want out of life? Or do they feel or act that way because of what life has thrown at them? Are the daily challenges they face forcing them to take on that mentality in order to survive?

Does a woman really want complete independent from romantic attachments for the rest of her life?

That is one of the questions asked throughout the The Butterfly Memoirs Series.

In the first novel, A Heart Not Easily Broken, we meet Ebony Campbell.  She is smart, independent, and focused on reaching her goal. Since graduating high school, she has made it her life ambition to get her degree of Doctor of Veterinarian Medicine so she can get her dream job of becoming a veterinarian at the Los Angeles Zoo.  For seven years, she hasn’t allowed a relationship to distract her.

In Ebony’s Words:

“I don’t have time to get into a real relationship right now.  Finishing this last year of college is my focus. I’ve got to get that veterinarian job at the zoo, I’ve worked too hard to mess up now. Besides, I don’t need a man to take care of me. Financially. Having a nice body to lie against is a different story.”-Ebony

With that mentality, would it be possible for her to abandon that way of thinking  if the right man came along? What would he have to say or do to make her feel differently?  Buy a copy of A Heart Not Easily Broken in order to find out.  But I must say,  this is NOT your typical  romance! Life, love, tragedy, and triumph are the subject matters of my novels. But despite it all, there is a happy ending along with life lessons learned.

This  one is for all my independent ladies…Independent, by  Destiny’s Child. When you done singing and shaking your grove thing, be sure to leave a comment!

     

 

Here’s some food for thought…..

“A woman does not need a man to feel complete. Neither does she need to be single to be independent.” ~Mariluz Lozada

So, are you and independent woman? 

MJ

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